Could you visualise a scene at Ascot, where I was wearing a fascinator?




Would a fascinator suit me, folks?


A  S  C  O  T…… O  R…… O  D  S  A  L (*) ?


Prats in hats, it’s Ascot Time

Poet’s brain now thinks in rhyme

‘Got a sat’ nav’ on your head?

All of these from “heaven fed”!


Greatest place, a “splendid show”

Ascot where “we” want to go?

Putting on affected pose

Stick a Rolex up your nose!


Proper curtsey, scrape and bow

Hide my “Yorkshire tongue” somehow?

‘Got a flat cap on my ‘ead

‘Looks could kill and I’d be dead!


Royal enclosure, not for me

Rather have a cup of tea?

Markle Sparkle, dashing “prince”

‘Guess that this lot make me wince!


“Caps like that, a load of tosh!”

From some prat. who thinks he’s posh!

“Thank you, Marmers!”, Champagne glass

Wow, he is a proper ass!  (I did write “ass”!!)


Great excitement, “horsey-race”

Starting time at gentle pace

Lots of colours, splash of pooh

“Wonder what I ought to do?”


Throw myself upon the course…

Flattened by some manic horse?

Go and sit with lords and duke?

This lot makes me really puke!


‘Found a tele’, rugby match

Pecking order, up to scratch?

Eddie Hemmings, Denver game   (England v New Zealand from Sky reporter)

Ellie Whitehead, finding fame  (A former Bulls’ player)


Ascot, not my “cup of tea”

Rugby League to set me free….

From a world of sheer pretence

David never “sits on’t fence!”  xx  (*) The home of the Bradford Bulls.