Having just returned from a stay in Singapore driving on the Italian roads has been quite a shock!
Singapore roads are very wide and very busy, mainly with taxis but, and its a big BUT, the traffic is so well organised and everyone follows the rules, even the pedestrians!
How different is the situation in Italy! For the uninitiated here are a set of ‘rules’ which appear to be acceptable on the Italian roads. Do take lightly …. just a bit of fun …. But with a more than a few grains of truth!
- Drive either at the speed of sound OR at a snail’s pace.
- Drive in the boot of the car in front Preferably whilst waving your arms – yes, both arms! One doesn’t need to keep hold of the steering wheel!
- Flash headlights constantly at the driver in front – wash frequently to ensure the brightest beams.
- Blow your horn – this takes practice as little beeps are not acceptable. Place the palm of your hand squarely on the horn and ensure it remains there until either the driver in front pulls over (falling possibly into the ditch) or has a heart-attack at which point you will be able to overtake waving aggressively.
- Do overtake on blind bends.
- Remember that on the autostrada portent early important to remain in the outside lane until the very last minute before cutting across both lanes, and cars, to take the exit. You will know if you have done this correctly by the screeching of brakes and squealing of tyres.
- Please DO use your mobile phones at all times. This is particularly important when approaching hair-pin bends. To obtain an advanced certificate of driving you can attempt this whilst using your free hand to blast the horn.
- Remember that your passengers are more important than the other drivers. They must have your undivided attention at all times. It is unacceptable not to look at them even if they are in the back seat.
- Pedestrians should not be on the roads. To make this very clear continue at your current speed of 150k and do not deviate from your path. (They will hopefully leap into the bushes)!
- It is not necessary to use designated parking areas when parking your vehicle in order to obtain a caffeine boost. Simply find a good tight bend in the road and then leave your car, engine still running, or, if this is not possible, just double park so you are blocking the road.
- If you ride a motorcycle then ensure that the exhaust emits the loudest possible noise and drive through villages between 11pm and 6am.
- If driving a car this can also be used to keep the residents of the village alert during the small hours. Simply park it with lights and radio left on and the door wide open. To amplify the sound hold your conversation with friends in the bar 50 metres up the road, by standing adjacent to your car and shouting.
To add to the humour here is a video!!!