Please see end for update
“This article contains sensitive material”
Yesterday morning I read that 30,000 women in France have been advised to have their PIP implants removed due to a possible cancer risk. Not only do these implants rupture right, left and center, but they are also filled with non-medical silicone. 40,000 British women have had them inserted. A close friend of mine is in this number and her PIPs burst last year. The silicone leaked into her lymph glands causing her quite a scare. Luckily she does not have cancer and equally luckily she was able to replace them quickly with a safe alternative, though at her own expense.
This morning I dropped by Bar Almendros to have a cortado and catch up on the local news. In the Levante Castellon newspaper it was mostly doom and gloom. No water to be brought from the River Ebro to relief the region’s ongoing drought; rising inflation despite no work for anyone. On page 11 I read that 900 pine trees in Vistabella’s protected forests had been massacred – they were diseased and only the sick branches were supposed to be trimmed, but someone in the council made a mistake.
Then, after the car ads, came the sex ads with photos of women with pumped up lips and inflated mammary glands, then, last of all “culture”. What a fitting place, but then just about as fitting as what was actually classified as culture. Here the sentencing of Michael Jackson’s doctor last month was discussed. On the opposite page was an article on the ideal size for your clitoris and what you could do about it.
Apparently it should be between 4 and 10 millimeters. A beautiful, soft focus photo of a young woman’s hand subtly masking her privates illustrated this illuminating article. So we could not see the bit we were allowed to read about in a national paper placed openly in bars all over Castellon. Bars where children go with their mothers. Well, thank God, I guess?
I had a good laugh, and actually asked Nacho behind the bar for a measuring tape. Groan. How could I? Truth was I felt uncomfortable and was trying to deny this. We females have enough complexes already and now male surgeons are trying to add the size of our clitoris to the list. Isn’t it funny how females do not carry out this operation? Up to now one of the consoling aspects of being a woman has been that, unlike the rougher sex, we have had neither dimensions nor erections to worry about. The clitoris just was. In all my 50 something years I have never had a conversation with either male or female about its size or performance. And I do not want to start, but discuss I must.
For, according to the Levante paper, artificially created designer vulvas and such are all the rage. Re-adjustment of the clitoris is purported to increase sexual pleasure. Just like everything else on our bodies it gets slack and distended with age. Really? I can’t say that at any phase of my life I have spent much time looking down there. But wait; just let me get a hand mirror…
…while reading the article, rather than looking down, I found myself looking up, words that is, in my Professional Collins Spanish-English-Spanish dictionary. Most were not there. What on earth is invagina? Or abultimiento? Just in case the dictionary was prudish I tried some of our most frowned-upon English swear words. They were all there.
I am just not buying this designer-down-below- stuff at all. If you ask me, it is pure nonsense, at least when is comes to sexual pleasure. For me excitement is very much generated by my internal feelings, not an external bud with nerves – that bit just goes along with the flow of emotion. You could palpitate it ad infinitum and I would not feel a jot, not if my mind wasn’t there. I believe most women are the same. Perhaps I should ask around a bit more to make sure. Or perhaps not?
As far as appearances in that area go, I don’t think crotches are particularly attractive these days anyway – not if the internet is anything to go by. They all appear to be stripped and plucked as if chickens being prepared for the oven rather than a moment of pleasure. They even look like chickens, with the resulting unattractive pasty goose flesh. There is nothing like a little bit of concealing hair to crown your snatch off. Would you shave your head? Hair below also avoids the friction of tight clothes and gyrating whoevers. A bit ironical then that one of the reasons given for this op is to avoid excessive friction.
And what if it goes wrong? What if a whole new crop of botched-up ops à la PIP turns up? What then? I am thinking of the unspeakable things they do to women’s privates in some countries in the name of religion.
I have had to think hard about whether I would blog this, and I may be ticked off for doing so. But I feel that we are in Spain, and here in Spain in the daily papers are free in the bars and these things are written about for all to see. I would like to protest and plead with my sex – please don’t buy into this nonsense. Please save yourself some money, and if friction is a problem, grow your “hair” back!
I wish you all a happy and very exciting Christmas and I will be back in the New Year – or will I?
For more on this issue and related issues, please read about my Body Landscapes project
The outreach organisation Women in Photography International will be running a story on Body Landscapes during January, 2012
UPDATE: Thank you to Norman for emailing this lovely photo of Clitoria Tarnata L – I don’t usually publish photos taken by anyone else but as this image was taken in Malaysia, I think I will make an exception!
Update: Please click the link here to read about centrefold, an animated film just published to help women and their image problems re their vaginas
Update: Please click the link here to read a relevant article just published in the Telegraph today, December 8th, 2013
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