children and growing up

41 Replies

Is it just me ,or do  other people agree that letting young children  ( especially boys ) have piercings and haircuts with wild designs cut into them just too much . Why do they have to allow it and what do they think it enhances for the youngsters ,I think its so sad to not let the children have a childhood without the pressures of having to look like a miniature  adult before there time . No doubt there will be many who disagree with me ,but hey ho

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apples-426462 1453502064

I am actually talking about children in England.


Reveuse-918439 1453502463

Thought you must be cos I don't see that in France...

Martin King-393934 1453503209

Bit of a hot potato this one.

As an ex teacher and less than perfect father here is my view.

I think it is important that young people grow up to understand they have a place in society which usually means they have to conform to certain norms.Allowing radical haircuts,dress codes , etc. could suggest to the young person that 'anything goes' and I can do what I want ,when I want ,this is me expressing myself etc.Unfortunately a lot of employers out in the real world are still 'old school' and are not impressed by this.

Martin King-393934 1453503311

Reveuse.Just seen your reply.I agree with you on that.


Gogo Yubari 1453503592

Who is or are 'they' that can allow or disallow anything? What is it that gives any one human being the belief that they are so superior to another that makes them feel qualified to apply dress or fashion code to thier equals?

Martin King-393934 1453504570

Gogo Yubari .

Not a case of being superior,just practical. Most of society has a sense of appropriate dress and appearance  for jobs that require interaction with the public.If you want to be served by a butcher with angry red/festering piercings all over the face thats up to you.To me it suggests a lack of standards and commitment to the customer.We all have our own values and are free to express our opinions.


Gogo Yubari 1453504800

Exactly. Good point well made Martin Luthor.

Gogo Yubari 1453504914

I'm just glad that my butcher doesn't serve my meat with his or her face.

Martin King-393934 1453505593

Yes ,would be difficult to do so.But,like I said ,it is about peoples perception of standards and commitment to their work.I would like not to have to shave every day before I go to work but if I didn't I would not feel that I am giving my best to the company and customer.


Gogo Yubari 1453506024

Yes. That's called 'conditioning'. I prefer when are individuals and are free to choose how we present ourselves to others.

apples-426462 1453545343

But my point is that it is too early in their lives to allow children to decide how " they " want to be seen.  Its so much better to allow the child to be educated enough to see this passing phenomina for what it is , and to be different by not following the crowd. But then ,I am old school .

" they " gogo yobari are the parents who can allow or disallow what their child is allowed or not ,to do, and the child is certainly not " their equals " because my discussion is about children ,we all have to conform to a certain degree don't you think ?

buddy1-879411 1453545995

Doesn't bother me one bit how a person appears. As long as they can do their job, whatever that may be, then piercings/haircut etc. has no bearing on their performance. You need to get with the times!

moi-383589 1453548788

Some 'young people' have a keen sense of their own identity earlier than others. Having a tottoo at the age of 7, for example, might not fit with their perception of themselves when they're older and regret having it done.

BUT, I've met lots of adults who had a 'signature look' and still regretted it so is there a right or wrong element here? Usually it comes through talking, listening,having and accepting guidance and developing wisdom. Some people never acquire these abilities.

Anonymous 1453550545

It all went horribly wrong when the nanny state gave children the same "rights" as adults without the responsibilities that go with it.  Children are no longer deemed to be in a "learning" stage for what lies ahead in adulthood.  Discipline of any kind has been classed as non-PC so kids can do what they want, whenever they want, and anyone trying to stop them gets quoted chapter and verse.  Take a stroll down the high street of any town in UK on a Saturday night for an example of where this leads.

Yellowperill 1453551269

Anonymous:  How right you are, well said

winda1 1453556777

What gets me is that whatever the kids do to themselves, we all have to look at it, not them!  Everyone is starting to look like a sketchpad, a member of ISIS or a tribal warrior!!  Dont worry, it will all turnaround eventually and 'old school' will be back in mode and the littleluns and their parents will follow suit.  Unfortunately the youngsters of today will have a hard, painful and expensive experience to go through to get back to their original state to conform then!  Im sure the ideas of how to be different will run out.  Thank goodness the trousers hanging off the 'but' has finally passed!  That  ran and ran too long!


There is always a job at 'apple'  for those who like to stand out!

Have to say, my pet hate is the gigantic  holes in the earlobes.....i genuinely want to throw up when i start to talk to someone with this modification....little do they realise the adverse affect it has on me.


Looking forward to the intergalactic space look which no doubt will be forthcoming!!  Beem me up that shows my age!

apples-426462 1453557004

 I didn't think that footballers were a particular breed to look up to. Because I live in france does it mean I haven't the right to comment on the rest of the world !!!!?? oh well i'll get in the box !! or is it the bowl !! cheers valbonne-home

Farthing 1453570725

Don't even mention tatoos - at least a bad (or regretted) haircut grows out....

Dianamary 1453574771

Hairstyles and piercings all grow problem.

Children cannot be tatooed.

listy 1453576652

Proof of age is not a legal requirement in UK just a guideline, so if a child appears to be 18 and ask's for a tattoo ????

even then only applies to registered / licensed tattoo artists...

so saying children can't be tattoo'd, children can and will find a way or someone who will do it at almost any age - young teenagers especially.  

andylekker 1453634705

if you look at teenagers and judge them because of your idea of how they should look, then its probably your fault because you are old and narrow minded. im sure the parents/grandparents of the teddyboys and the hippies didint approve either. before that youth culture didnt really exist.

youngsters aften want to have their own look and identity and the approval of their elders is not high on their list of priorities.. they want to look different and that is one of their reasons for doing it.

but if you suspend your kneejerk reaction for a moment and interact with young people rather than judge them for their appearance. you will find that the vast majority are decent kids.

they have the whole rest of their lives to fall into line and conform, and most will... so let them enjoy themselves and discover who they are before they have the whole weight of the world on their shoulders.

we should probably be apologising to them for leaving them a polluted planet and massive debt. we are the lucky ones we've have had it pretty easy.

apples-426462 1453637095

wow I didn't realise I was so narrow minded !! I just find it difficult to see why a parent would allow a 5/6 year old to mimic the older generationwith flash haircuts and piercing ears etc, I didn't realise that I had had things easy in my life  but thanks for letting me know  .

andylekker 1453639788

hi apples, thats the first time you've specified an actual age in the children you are referring to. nevertheless, i still think that behavior and attitude is much more important than appearance.

if a child desperately wants a particular haircut and its not going to get them into trouble at school, then i think its worth letting them have it within reason. i find that the more you give your children to rebel against, the more many will want to rebel.


orme2 1453649503

andylekker, there is also a school of thought which says that they will always look for something to rebel against, so if you let them do too much, they will go even further in their search for rebellion!  Better to have arguments about clothes or hairstyle than drugs, alcohol or dropping out of school.

kathyd2 1453651725

I didn't realise  you were talking about very young children when I first started to read this - it seemed to be more about the impression young people give at work if they have facial piercings and tattoos.  I suspect that most piercings etc on children of 5 or 6 are approved of - or even suggested / encouraged? - by their parents - tricky for children of that age to get them done otherwise...  Regarding older children and young people, I personally feel it's healthy for them to be able to express themselves and to feel a bit rebellious in a fairly harmless way - I'd much rather they looked a bit offbeat but were nice people than that they looked 'normal' but were uncaring and irresponsible little toe-rags. I speak as a mother of a very lovely young woman with piercings and tattoos - she's completely normal, doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink much, and works horrendously long hours in the Care Sector where she's probably much  more responsible and nicer than  most of the managers in her attitude towards her  patients and her colleagues - managers with normal hair, no piercings and no tattoos of course, just very big chips on their shoulders ;).  Long live the freedom to be who you want to be, provided it's not harming anyone else in the process.

andylekker 1453652339

hi orme, from my experience that is not the case - although its perhaps hard to generalise. 

kids will eventually leave home and then they can do what they want, so if they've been curtailed from a great number of things as children they tend to go a bit crazy when suddenly they have no-one forbidding them from this and that - the 'kid in the sweetshop'. i think that giving them as much choice as i can, within reason, teaches them to make the right choices for the right reasons whilst i still have some influence and can look out for them.

the three wildest girls i ever knew were all from strict religious upbringings, two were vicars/priest's daughters and the other had a sikh childhood.

kids want to be individuals and many want to be different and cultivate their own identities - disctinct from their parents. gone are the days when kids just looked like young versions of adults. youth culture is part of our society now. 

apples-426462 1453653948

Well I don't want to annoy anyone any futher ,but I am talking about  young children  ,boys with ears pierced who look no older than 6/7 ish and haircuts with these designs cut into them ,I may be oldfashioned, true , but I still think it is better to point them in the direction of enjoying there time as a youngster ,joining clubs and having a childhood ,than thinking about how good they look ,by emulating there favourite footballer ,singer etc it seems such a pity that their parents cannot see that they are allowing the child to grow up too quickly .I am not talking about youths,who can choose what they want , but children of 5,6,7 years old . I thank  you all for your input and I am now finished with  this dicussion .

andylekker 1453654594

but you are judging them on the basis of their appearance, why presume they are not having a proper childhood because they have some lines shaved in their hair? why presume they are growing up to quickly? 

apples-426462 1453655742

you have answered your own posting ,they have obviously spent too much time in the chair letting someone carve their hair and preening themselves!! is this a normal childhood? I think not ,but as I say ,this is my personal opinion  bye

tigre-979768 1453667394

I agree with you apples. Children need to be told that when they grow up they can then make their own decisions, until then they comply to the rules of the parents. The problem is there are too many parents these days that look and often behave like thugs, the children often don't stand a chance. 

Mickrest 1453894021

Most "fashion statements" made by the young can be atributed to peer pressure or imitation of one of their heroes / heroines (e.g. a pop icon). As a former parent of young people, I found, like andylekker, that it was counterproductive to lay down strict rules on appearance and more important to put emphasis on good and considerate behaviour.. We found it far more effective to advise and guide rather than lay down the law on matters of dress, hairstyle etc.- and the most effect approach we found was to make them understand that they are people in their own right and that they are destroying their own personality by slavishly copying others.

tigre-979768 1453925256

To say yes to a child often makes life a lot easier for parents, saying no can be hard work.

Mickrest 1454092196

I don't agree, tigre. I think that saying "No" is sometimes an easy cop out while Influencing youngsters in a positive way is quite hard work. It requires patience, psychology and time and shouldn't be readily dismissed. Also, those that have have been constantly "repressed" by the "No" word during their formative years often go "wild" as soon as they are away from their parents or beyond their parents' control.

apples-426462 1454092873

sorry mickrest I absolutely disagree with you . Do you say that no is not ever in your vocab I think not , a no when it is required does not drive a child " wild" ,what  thing to say  tut tut

Mickrest 1454095095

Please read my first post again, apples. I'm talking about the use of the word "No" in relation to dress code, hairstyle, make-up etc. Of course, the word "No" is appropriate when there's been some actual or potential breach of conduct.

However, there are many techniques that a good parent can use that will reduce the frequent  use of the word "No". For example, the technique of distraction which can be used to divert a child's attention from an actual or potential act of undesirable conduct..

tigre-979768 1454098459

Mickrest, are you a Social Worker by any chance?

Mickrest 1454101971

No, tigre, I'm a retired IT consultant, but my former job has absolutely no bearing upon my views on rearing happy and well balanced youngsters. In fact, what you are implying is quite a nasty slur on social workers which, I'm sure that the vast majority don't deserve. If you want to put up a good case as to why parents shouldn't try more positive methods when bringing up their shildren, then please do so, but don't try to insult me by false piqeon-holing.

apples-426462 1454104291

I am sure she meant no slur , just thought that you were more aware of how to treat a child ,perhaps . but please don't let my discussion get people so heated , I never meant it to become a battle, it was just my personal view everyone .

tigre-979768 1454106051

Mickrest, I only asked you this question in my last post because in one of your posts you refer to children that have been constantly repressed by the word 'No' when growing up often go wild as soon as away from home. I thought you might have quoted this because you were/had been a social worker and had first hand knowledge or, and statistics to back this statement up. In fact I feel you have been quite nasty in your reply to me wrongly accusing me. How on earth can my question be a nasty slur on this pofession?

Mickrest 1454108403

I apologisw if I misconstrued, tigre. My first hand experience is wholly as a parent. Parenting is very much a learning process based on personal observation of what works well and what doesn't. As a parent I observed one or two things which, in general, worked well:- for example, praise worked better than criticism, reward worked better than punishment, encouragement worked better than disinterest, involvement in their pastimes, studies, tastes etc.  worked better than lack of involvement and "yes" worked better than "no", particularly in matters of little importance (e.g. fashion).

tigre-979768 1454153845

No harm done.

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